This Is My Fine Art

Whoah! It's snowing. We haven't had snow like this here in ten years. They said on the weather that we'd get about half a foot and sure enough we did. It's still snowing, though, and we think it's gotten over that. Very neat, except for all the car accidents.

To all you northern people who get snow all the time, yeah yeah, I know this is nothing to you guys, but for those of us who don't get it, it's pretty and special. Well to me anyway. I love snow. Bite me if you have something bad to say about it. No raining on my parade fools.

Anyway, my dad went outside to check on something and the wind blew all the snow off the roof and onto him. He looked like a snowman. It was funny. And Kyuubi (my pomeranian) has never seen snow before and he kept sticking his face in it up to his ears. Very amusing. The cats are terrified of it.

Ah, what a lovely winter wonerland sight to see. I wish my digital camera worked so I could show you pictures.

Hmm, nothing too exciting today and I'm too tired to make a real post, really. Plus I've got a lot I need to do. =/

Weight Watcher's website is being funky today. =/ And I'm really cold. And I'm ready to get married and move already. Gosh I'm so ready for the weekend.

I'm having fun with twitter so far. I wonder how long I'll last with it before I get bored. lol

Sanguem Deus was updated today. I'm really pumped about it. I'm overflowing with inspiration. Patrick and I are also opening up shop. I hope to start putting things together this weekend. Right now I'm looking to make about 25 keychains, 20 button sets, and about 10 sheets of stickers. I'm so happy that people seem really interested in them. It's got me very excited~ <3

Plus all that brainstorming I've been doing on Donovan has me loving and nurturing his character a lot recently. I jump between which of my characters I'm fussing over and it's come back round to him again. X3 He's such a fun character to design. I'm currently waiting for Patrick to respond to some stuff I sent him pertaining to Donovan since it's major major story stuff. Then I need to stick it all in the time line we're building once we've confirmed what his part of the story is in intricate detail from start to finish. I love doing this. We've already finished putting Anika, Ash Fox, and Cassidy into the timeline. Including Donovan we have about ten more characters to detail on.

And I swear that Robyn knows how to encourage me and give me bustling energy in regards to SD like no one else. She's probably my biggest fan. When I was asking about merchandise she replied with the following:

Although it's probably a publication, best seller, and movie away, I'll cry if I don't get a poseable Zephyr action figure. ;o; And I want a Cassidy poster. A big, sexy, fanservicy one. C: W-wait! MAKE THAT A SCARLETxCASSIDY POSTER. With a chibi Zephyr in the bottom left corner giving his thumbs up approval. 8D ...Yeah, that sounds good. AND. I want felion ear headphones, and a belt-attachement tail with handheld button controls to make it really move~! They have to be white with some yellow though. Just like Namir's. *should go tell Santa*

...

The stickers idea is epic. Button or sticker-wise, if you could do that D'Apor military thingy, that'd be cool. 83 COMMANDER KORDI, REPORTING FOR DUTY. ...SIR. *salutes*

*/SD dork*

She makes my head swell. She has much more hope in me than I do, but I'd love to see those things happen. I won't lie. It's not a crime to dream big and have hope. I think it's better to hope than to sit around thinking that everything is going to fail and all other sorts of doom and gloom. Of course, I'm trying to be realistic. Patrick and I are going to take baby steps with it. If the really awesome stuff happens then YAY EXCITEMENT! If not, it was a fun project/hobby that helped me pass the time and make a little extra money. =)

But yeah, that's where my brain is right now. Okay... off to go work on wedding and art stuff. See you guys later! <3

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Good evening world. I caved and got a twitter... You can access it HERE. If you have one feel free to add me. I'm still learning how it all works. I'm not brave enough to add it to my phone yet, though. XD

Last night I finished Sanguem Deus Ch1 Ph14. It only needed a little extra toning. Most people probably won't notice the difference, but meh. I'll be posting that up tomorrow. I also got the second rough sketch done for the Hidan comic thing I did. The next step for that image will be line art, but I always give my pictures breaks and work on something different for a little bit before I get back to it. I like the little extra things I added to it, but it still needs work. Meh, practice makes perfect and no one is perfect so we should always keep practicing.

I ended up getting to bed at about 2am. I only got four hours of sleep. Patrick would have a fit if he knew that. lol And I felt it all day long. I thought I was going to pass out numerous times. Completely my fault, though. And I woke up super cranky this morning and fussed over something as silly as how much food was being put in the dog's bowl. Yeah... I can be really anal about things sometimes. Destinie needs sleep to operate properly.

When I left the house to go to work it was drizzling outside but nothing bad. I get three minutes on the highway and everyone has to slam on breaks because a downpour hit out of no where! It was raining so bad that I had to drive 45mph in a 65mph zone just to be able to see through my windshield with the wipers on full power. With my tires in their current condition it had me really nervous because I could feel the car trying to swerve with the high winds that came through. But I made it to work safe and in one piece.

( Zombie Des vs Pantry Computer Project )

I left at about 5pm. And those blasted winds were still blowing like crazy, but the rain was gone and I could actually see the sun kind of. Off in the distant I could some thick nasty looking clouds. I think they were the ones we'd just gone through. There was something intimidating yet majestic about them. They looked like they meant business. If I'd had a good camera I would have taken a picture because it was a very strange site to see the clouds like that, yet very beautiful. I love nature. It's like looking at a living painting. =3

( Wedding Update )

After working on wedding stuff I gave Kyuubi a bath. He didn't like it. He ran away and hid when he saw me running the bath water. I lied and told him he was going bye bye so he'd come out. I felt bad afterwards. =( At least he's all nice and clean now, though. I need to give him a good brushing and clean his teeth.

Only other things left is to discuss a few more wedding things with mom when she gets back and then I'm going to work on the next Sanguem Deus page and Robyn's commission. Speaking of Sanguem Deus, I did some hard core brain storming today and it got me all excited and motivated. XD I'm in a great mood.

w00t!

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Today was a bit of a lazy day. I signed up for Weight Watchers early this morning. So far I like it. I don't feel pushed or cornered when it comes to food. I have a lot of freedom over what I eat. It's nice. Hopefully this will be less stressful for me than the others I've tried.

Speaking of stress, because I want to have a nice clear face for my wedding I'm not going to wear much make-up if any at all until the day of the wedding. I'm also using acne treatment to clear it up some. It's working nicely so far. My face feels really soft. =3

Anyway, I was late for work this morning so I threw my hair up in a ponytail. Krystle gasped when she saw my hair up because I never wear my hair up. It's always down. She was like "So there she is!" XD Yeah, my hair hides my face. She's trying to convince me to permanently stop wearing makeup. But I just don't like how I look without it. Some people think I look better without it, though. Hmmm.. I dunno. I think I look pasty and plain without make-up.

We had a monitor mishap at work. It would seem that some stores are going to receive double monitors because Vanessa made too many labels. We sent the monitors out yesterday because Tammy was bitching about them not being out, and now she's fussy because we did send them out. Can't win for losing. Well, she was nicer today than she was yesterday. I'll give her that.

We also figured out why we had so many extra labels left over for computers. Apparently Help Desk has been doing some of them and no one has been bothering to tell us. Thankfully we haven't done any replicas of those computers. That would have been hellish to have to clean up. But we've got the labels in order for the cpus now so it's all good. We've got like 20 computers left to do. I wonder what I'll be assigned to next.

Marc gave us this huge loaf of Amish Friendship Bread this morning. It tasted fabulous! He said his son made it. We snacked on it a little through out the day. I had three small pieces since I'm trying to watch my figure. *wiggles eyebrows*

For lunch Krystle and I had Mexican. I volunteered to go pick it up from the restaurant. When I got in there the guy opened the door for me and said "Hola!" Out of reflex I replied back "Hola!" And he immediately went into spanish dialogue asking me how I was. Still not thinking I replied back that I was doing well. Then it clicked that I was talking to him in spanish and that I needed to stop because I didn't know enough to be doing that. It was a bit embarrassing for me. When I got to the register he (in spanish) asked what he could do for me. I immediately started speaking in english and told him that I'd come to pick up an order. SAFE! XD I got our stuff, thanked him (in spanish, lol) and then left. It felt good but at the same time weird. I guess I do still remember a little bit of the two years of Spanish I've had. XD

When I got back to Krystle we ate our food and then started talking about our passions. I ended up talking about Sanguem Deus and she got me excited about it. XD I told her what my plans/goals are for it at the moment and she said she thought Patrick and I had a great idea. I talked to Patrick later and he and I are going to go ahead and start looking in to getting it it's own webpage. I'm going to start updating the comic twice a week on Monday and Thursday. Things will be tight right now because of the wedding and what not, though. We're also going to look into buying materials to make a little Mimi keychain that we're planning on selling. Patrick has excellent business and management skills so I'm looking forward to seeing where all this leads in the end. Wish me luck! The webpage won't actually go up until Chapter One is complete.... that should be around... the end of June/beginning of July area. Keep an eye out for it. =D

Right now you can read the comic on deviantart HERE. It currently has 14 pages. The 14th page isn't quite complete. A completed version of it will be posted on Thursday.

Other than all that, I worked out on the stationary bike tonight for about half an hour and then I organize and updated the guest list for the wedding. We're inviting close to 200 people. It's crazy. XD I'm really excited, though.

I'm getting married in six weeks! Weee! <33333

=D

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While I was in the shower this morning, I heard Kyuubi barking over and over again. He sounds like a squeaker toy. It's quite amusing. I couldn't figure out why, until I got out of the shower and heard that my alarm was going off and found him barking at it. XD Silly dog. He's my little Kyuubi Monster. X3

Mom was up and she came to tell me that Anita has volunteered to decorate the front of the church. I do hope it turns out nicely. I'm getting nervous because I haven't seen all the decorations together yet and I am hoping and praying to God that everything is going to match. I have this horrible dread that something is going to look bad or that I'm just not going to be as happy with it as I'm hoping. >_O The wedding is six weeks away! D=

Mom also showed me today how much stuff she has together for the decorations so far. She has the garden bathtub in her bathroom full of stuff. And she has a nook in her closet full of stuff as well. She has the table in the dining room decorated with the vases and centerpiece she's made. Those are really pretty. And she bought some lace tablecloths today that she will be putting on the tables in the fellowship hall for the reception. I do think it will all come together in the end. I'm just getting the nervous jitters.

After talking with her for a little bit, I left for work. I got there a little late, but no one ever cares as long as you're not like half an hour late or something. Tammy came in to do her usual complaining. She irritates me to no end. She was mad because the monitors hadn't been shipped out on Friday. She always comes in like she's ready for a fight or something. The reason the monitors weren't shipped out is because we decided not to touch them in fear that she'd be pissed that we messed with her stuff. But no... she's pissed instead that we didn't mess with her stuff. Now isn't that just peachy? A couple hours later I ended up rolling out her monitors for her for some God only knows reason. I told Krystle I figured it was better the people got their monitors and she bitched at me for touching her stuff than her bitching at me for not shipping them out. It's such a complicated situation with her. At least we've got more room in our office now with them out of there.

Lisa was pretty snippy today to. I tried to tell her that the R-Drive was missing on one of the computers and usually they fix this problem in the back. Instead she snaps at me and says I should just reghost it. It's like she didn't want to be bothered. She's my client. I have to go to her to find out what she needs done and if I have a problem she is supposed to assist me. I'm so glad my contract is almost up with her. =_= She did finally get Malia and I the last of the stores that need to be done for this project. I'm thankful for that. We'll probably have them finished this week.

Speaking of Malia... she's been really annoying me lately. SHE'S SO LAZY! You ask her to do something and she's like "I'll do it later." or "It can wait." or "I'll just wait until so and so comes in here and then I'll ask." She also won't take her computers down to the mail room. She just leaves them there for me to take. It really annoys me because I can't do anything about it. I also do all the calls, make the requests, push the boxes to the mail room, and I do most of the computers. She ghosts computers and stages some. I completed like 11 computers today. She did...maybe 5 or 6? It annoys the piss out of me.

When we were out of labels, I asked Malia if she would go ask Tammy for some more. Malia was just sitting at her desk and text messaging her boyfriend at this point. She says, "I'll ask her for some when she comes in here."

....

I ended up getting up and going and asking myself. Tammy snaps at me with her usual response, "I'll get to it when I receive a list of stores!" Lisa heard her and was like... "I sent you an email with them earlier." XD Buuuurn. We still don't have the new labels, yet, though. I think we'll have them in the morning.

I left work around 5pm, which is early for me because I usually stay after hours. I don't feel it's that necessary now, though.

I talked to Patrick about maybe going ahead and putting in my two weeks notice, today. He's asked me not to until we're for certain that I'm going to get this other job working at the place he does. He thinks I'd really love working there. I do hope that he's right. I'll admit I was a little sad, but he's right that it's the logical decision.

Other than that, Dad made me angry this evening. He was talking junk about my niece Ashley. That's his granddaughter, and the daughter of my sister. I mentioned that she might have a job in Cary. And he says, "She's dreaming. She won't have a job." I told him to stop being negative and have faith and hope in her. He got mad at me for saying that. He started saying all sorts of horrible things about her and then backed it up by saying he was just being realistic. He has no faith in anyone. It makes me angry.

Bah, I'll have hope for her. I want her to succeed. If she's trying I will support her fully.

I hope you guys have had very pleasant days and that you will have a great evening as well.

Peace! <3

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Once again I had another half way decent day, except I think my time of the month may be coming on since I've been a bit on the cranky side off and on. I've also been having cramps. Bleck...

We went to Wal-Mart and Patrick deposited some money into his bank account. Then we grocery shopped. It was extremely crowded and little bit annoying. Afterwards we got some body body wash and shampoo, and I bought some acne treatment because I've been having a lot of break outs recently. This should take care of it, though.

When we left Wal-Mart we went to PetSmart and bought some crickets for Velcro. We also got a new betta since Tobi passed away last week. The new betta is a dark blue almost violet colored crowntail. We've named him Mr. Bubbles. XD And that's actually after the Big Daddy in Bioshock. lol We've brought him home now and we're cleaning him and his tank up before they get to be together. ^_~ We got a huge biosphere that he should feel right at home in.

Nothing much has gone on today other than that. We're currently watching Star Wars: Attack of the Clones. I'm not all that fond of the prequels so I might be popping my video game in after this.

Oh well, that's all. Peace out guys. ^_^

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I'd like to start off by saying that I kind of find it amusing that the things I used to be tormented and made fun of for liking when I was younger.... are suddenly popular with today's youth. My biggest passions? Art, Music, Star Wars, and Anime-Based RPGs. The Star Wars obsession got me particularly picked on when I was younger. I also had this strange habit of if I saw an outfit on tv that I liked... whether fantasy or otherwise... I would try to replicate it. That didn't usually help my case. I also use to draw in class and write my wacky stories (Sanguem Deus... *cough*) while coming up with fantastical creatures and people from other planets. All through out school I had maybe two or three friends and everyone called me a dork, nerd, wierdo, freak, teacher's pet, outcast, etc and so forth.

Now it's suddenly becoming an "in" thing to like this stuff. What's up with that? XD I'm not against it becoming popular because that means I can get more of it in the long run... but it does slightly disturb me.

Anyway, overall I had a very good day today. I spent the majority of my morning playing Rogue Galaxy. I swear that game is freaking addicting. o.o I don't have a favorite character yet, but this 'Seed' character that has just popped up has perked my interests. He wears a black and white mask and you can't see any of his face. Looks like he has gray hair, though. His outfit it pretty cool. Whoops, I just kind of spoiled myself and found a picture of him without his mask. XD This dude has some crazy hair. lol

( Picture of the Seed Dude )

LOL, aside from gaming we spent the evening with Ren~ <3 We met her at work, we exchanged Christmas gifts, I got the invitation file from her, I bought a new sketchbook, and then we went to get something to eat. There I ended up getting drunk off of one extremely strong martini that Patrick thinks they free poured. I was giggly for about an hour or so. We went to Barnes and Noble and got coffee. Afterwards we went to Hot Topic where I found the most awesome Star Wars messenger bag ever. On the front of it there are like hundred of Stormtroopers and it says "Support Our Troops" at the top. XD On the inside of the flap it has Darth Vader pointing like Uncle Sam. I... I had to buy it and I did. XD I also bought three new buttons. They say "I blame my attitude on video games," "I am so blogging this," and "I <3 Video Games."

We ended the night with Ren by watching the South Park episode "Ungroundable," and then we went our separate ways. Fun stuff.

When we got back to the house we chilled on the couch and watched Vantage Point. It's a really good suspenseful movie and I recommend it to be watched at least once. I was on the edge of my seat from start to finish.

And now... it's 2am in the morning. I should go to sleep. Good night everyone!

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I had a breakdown last night and cried a little bit, but Patrick let me talk and then he gave me some really good advice and I feel better now. He's so good to me. I don't know what I'd do without him.

I drove from Garner to work. It was nice watching the sunrise while I drove, but I felt like I was going to pass out. XD Today was a good day on the job for the most part. I completed ten computers and I was almost done with two more before I left. I'll finish them on Monday. Everything was steady and the day went by fairly quickly. I had to drink about 22oz of coffee to accomplish it, though. What a rush!

Found out that ITS didn't call Lisa to tell her I wasn't coming in on Wednesday. I suppose I'll have to call her myself if it happens again. Though, I doubt that it will. I also found out that I could have had today off. Apparently she let everyone out early on Wednesday and we had Thursday and Friday off if we wanted. Oh well, I need the money so I honestly didn't mind working the hours. I wasn't there alone either. Krystle was with me and she's normally a joy to talk to.

Christy came into the room and I'm happy to say that it seems the negative feelings I used to have toward her seem to have vanished. You just don't know how much of a relief that is for me. I don't like feeling that way toward anyone. We still didn't talk to each other, though.

I'm really tired so this post my seem... short and sporadic.

I cooked dinner tonight. I made bbq chicken and bbq beans. It was great. I think I would have enjoyed dinner more, though, if Dad hadn't of been watching some documentary about radical overly zealous christians brainwashing their children. Don't get me wrong. I'm a Christian and I will teach my children my beliefs, but these guys were acting like they were building a freaking army or something. It freaked me and Patrick out. I was relieved when I found out that Dad didn't agree with everything that was going on and that he was on the same level of beliefs as Patrick and I. He had me worried there for a moment. lol

Afterwards, Patrick and I went to clean the church. While there Patrick came to the conclusion that all radical religious individuals who obsess over absolutes are Sith because the Sith deal in absolutes. XD Yay Star Wars~ <3

When we finished cleaning the church we stopped at the gas station and grabbed some drinks. Then I watched two South Park episodes on his iTouch while we drove to Garner.

Now I'm sitting on the couch and editing this post. lol I think I'll start getting ready for bed now.

Peace Out guys~ I hope you all have a great evening. =)

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HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!! <3333

I hope you guys all had a really great evening. I had a pretty enjoyable one if I do say so myself. I got the house all cleaned up for Patrick and good a great dinner. The steaks were very tender and delicious, and I really love the potatoes. The oysters were okay, but I've noticed my taste for shellfish has been declining as of late due to getting a little sick every time I eat them. I think I may be developing an allergy to them.

Anyway, I lit some candles and had everything looking very nice. Patrick loved it, and I got him a card that made him choke up. It was a surprise for him. I expected absolutely nothing more than for him to be happy with what I did. I was so happy to be with him and see him smiling. We drank some red wine with dinner and then popped open a Moscato for the rest of the evening. He's not a big fan of it, but I love it. I drank pretty much the whole bottle by myself. =X Yum yum yum~ <3

And no, I didn't get drunk. I was a slight bit tipsy, but I think my alcohol tolerance has risen a little bit because I can't remember the last time I actually got drunk. But, overall I don't drink very often. Maybe once every other month or so. And it has to be something sweet and/or fruity or I won't touch it.

At 12 o'clock when the new year hit we cheered and clinked our glasses together, blew on some noise makers and sprayed silly string all over the house and each other. It was awesome.

Afterwards we immediately went to bed and slept really hard. I didn't want to get out of bed this morning.

Today I didn't do much of anything except relax and play video games. It felt great to do so. I've been playing Rogue Galaxy. It's quite a bit of fun. I'm currently on Chapter 8. I recommend this game to anyone who loves RPGs.

And that's about it. I'm tired and I need to start packing to head back to my parents' house even though I seriously would rather not. And I definitely don't want to go to work tomorrow, but I know I need to. Oh well, I have the whole weekend after tomorrow to just chill and enjoy myself and try to relax and not think about wedding stuff too much.

Love you guys! And a very merry and awesome happy new year to all of you! <3

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Man, I'm really exhausted and I'm not finished at all. I've cleaned out about half of my room in a thorough sweep. I'm getting rid of stuff and getting things ready for when I pack up to move out. I'm also packing up to leave for Patrick's house tonight.

I went to Wal-Mart and bought some things I need including food, frames for Patrick and I's pictures, and I also picked up some candles and romantic music to make tonight complete. Oo la la. lol

When I got back to the house I made a huge pot of cabbage, corn bread, and steamed white rice. I've got the beans and the ham hocks still cooking on the stove. They'll be going for about another hour or so. It doesn't look like I'll be out of the house till around 6:30pm. This means I'll get to Patrick's house after 7. Luckily the steaks will only need about an hour to marinate. I need to pick those up from the Kroger near his house. He has a specific kind of ribeye he's wanting. He told me I'd find it behind the glass. I hope it turns out as nice as he's hoping for. I'm also going to cook some honey roasted red potatoes and saute some oysters.

Tonight should go very nicely. I'm really crossing my fingers for that.

If I get everything done before he gets home from work, though, I will be taking a nice long nap. I'm about to pass out. Phew!

I hope you guys are having a great evening. <3

Well... I took off from work today so that I could help mom get ready for the New Year. I'm cooking for her and what not. I've also got to get things together for when I go up to Patrick's this evening. I'm cooking steaks, oysters, and red potatoes. Patrick is also going to pick up some champagne. It should be a very pleasant evening.

For tomorrow I'm going to make Hoppin' John as tradition calls for it. lol I won't be making any cabbage, though, since Patrick doesn't like cabbage. I'll probably make a pot of cabbage for mom and dad and some Hoppin' John, but I have to take the ham out for them because dad doesn't eat pork.

I sat on the bed with mom this morning and she and I talked about wedding stuff and where we stand at the moment. She seems to have everything on her end pretty much taken care of. I still am having to push Patrick forward a little. He forgets and procrastinates quite a bit. He does get things done, though, eventually.

I need to go to Wal-Mart today to pick up everything I need, plus a few other things for tonight like candles and what not.

( Kyuubi Has A Biting Problem )

But that's about it on my end so far this morning. I hope you all have a great New Year's Eve and a Happy New Year just in case I don't get to say so later. ^_^

Well, Christmas is over. Tomorrow is New Year's Eve. The New Year starts on Friday.

I think this year that I would like to finish losing weight. I only managed to lose 40 pounds this year. I'd like to lose 20 more. I'd also like to tone up and flatten my belly.

I'd also like for Patrick and I to have a successful wedding and first year of marriage. Man, it's only about seven weeks away. I'm starting to feel anxious.

Next on the list.... I've announced this on deviantART, but Patrick and I are moving to Mississippi in March. After gathering all of our options together this one ended up being the best one. Patrick is going to finish college either studying radiography or going to pharmacy school (which we're really crossing our fingers for). If things go according to plan he's Pharmacy Schooling will be paid for and he'll have a guaranteed job afterwards by the 'possible benefactor' who will be helping us. Also, we'll have extremely cheap rent due to help from his father. When I say cheap I mean about $350 a month to have our own little home. It'll be a trailer, but that's better than nothing and I'm actually very excited. We'll be living near his father and stepmother.

Man, I really hope this all works out. I've lived in North Carolina for the past 20 years and I've never been more than 3 hours away from my family, but I know I can do it. The only other state I've lived in was Texas, but that was only for the first four years of my life and doesn't really count. lol

Wish me luck guys! This coming year is going to be full of new things for me. =3

( Memes Kidnapped From Dawnnamira )

( New Bleach Chapter Ramblings -- Spoilerish )

Patrick came over last night. We didn't get to talk very much since I was falling asleep, but we did cuddle and kiss a little before I passed out. This morning I didn't get to talk to him much either because I let him sleep. I woke him up long enough to give him some love and tell him I was going to work. I really wanted to just stay in his arms, though. Mom cranked up my car and told me my car was on empty. I knew this of course since my car has been on the E since the end of last week. I should have been tipped off right there. Yes, I drive for 20 minutes a day. 10 minutes to work and 10 minutes back home. My car usually can run on the E for about 2 or 3 hours. I figured if I didn't drive anywhere else I could drive it on E for a week and be able to fill it back up when my new bank card came in the mail this weekend. My bank card has been missing and I had to have it cancelled so I've been without it for a week and didn't bother to get cash out of the bank because I'm stubborn.

Anyway, mom offered me gas money and I turned her down, rather indignantly as Patrick put it. He scolded me as I deserved it. I said I would be fine and left for work.

I get down my road, up the next road, and get on the interstate. My car dies because it's out of gas. >_< I called Patrick and he started LAUGHING at me. And admittedly... I laughed too because I realized I had been stupid and God was probably laughing at me as well. When Patrick got to me the first words out of his mouth were "How was that for a good dose of humility?" I was so embarrassed.

We got gas in my car, and I was late for work, but I made sure to call them and let them know so it was all good.

Work went fairly smoothly. Melissa was there and she and I talked about lots of different things. Mostly wife and mother type stuff. She's a sweetie. Her daughter is as cute as a button, too. Mario brought in his daughter today. She's not quite a year old yet, but she has quite a head full of hair. Her name is Natalee. She looks like Mario spit her out. He couldn't disown that kid if he tried. lol She was all smiles and quite giggly. Children are so adorable and they really warm the heart.

Malia and I went and grabbed some mexican food for the office. On the way there she ranted to me about how Christy gets on her nerves and how she just wants to ring her neck. I admit, Christy is a difficult person to get along with. I've definitely had my moments with her, but I've been trying to be nice to her regardless. It's been easy associating with her recently unlike how it was when I first started working there and she decided she hated me for God only knows what reason. Malia was mad because she feels that Christy tries to act like she's over us when she's our equal and gets paid just as much as we do, she's just on the other side of the job doing the installing while we program. I understand Malia's frustration, though, but I'll admit it didn't bother me even half as much as it seemed to bother Malia. I feel that means I'm learning to not let people get to me as much as I used to. It kind of made me smile on the inside to realize that.

But back to the Mexican food, Mario convinced me to try this spanish drink called horchata today. Another name for it is Cinnamon Rice Milk. It's basically rice soaked in milk, cinnamon, and sugar. The rice is then removed from the milk through straining and you drink the milk adding more cinnamon and sugar to your tastes. Dude... that stuff tastes awesome. It kind of reminds me of eggnog, just not as thick. Mind you, I always mix my eggnog with milk and I've never had it with alcohol before. Great stuff.

Ah crap... man... I said I was going to cook something for the christmas party at work tomorrow and I forgot too. I don't even have anything to cook or even feel like cooking. =/ I'm also already in bed. lol Also, Patrick forgot to give me the gift for the gift exchange tomorrow. He left it in his car. >_<

Oh what a day.

Well, I may feel better overall about my insecurities and how I now know without a shadow of doubt that they were unfounded, but I feel bad that I did what I did to make myself feel better. What I did to find out if I should be paranoid or not. I hate my paranoia. I just invaded a level of trust I should have never touched. Don't ask me for details, just know I'll never do it again. I needed to write this out here in this little spot.

I do feel like a weight... a heavy burden has been lifted off of me, though. At the same time... I feel foolish. *sigh*

Anyway, so I've been really stressed out recently and I realize that I miss writing out those emotions in this journal that I don't get to express through out the day. During the day and around others I tend to bottle it all in, but that's not good and it's starting to hurt me physically.

Work is bringing me to a whole new level of exhaustion I've never experienced before. My entire body aches all over and sometimes I feel like my heart is going to give out from being tired. I feel my body trying to force me in to sleep while at work. Mind you I get my 7-9 hours of sleep which are recommended for a healthy adult, but unfortunately my sleep isn't uninterrupted. If it isn't people stirring and talking rather unnecessarily loud in the house at the wee hours of the morning, it's a nightmare and random nagging thoughts and emotions waking me up quite rudely. I really hope I don't pass out or something. That would royally suck.

It's not the job that's causing it either. I am surrounded by a wall of negativity when I go to work. All I hear are people saying horrible things about this or that and rarely anything positive. I do admit that sometimes they make me laugh really hard, though. So it's not all bad. But when it is bad, it's really bad. And when I try to be positive to counter act it they look at me like I'm stupid and don't know anything... which sucks. I suddenly feel my defense mode kicking in. You know, that crazy tension you get in your body where you want to cry but you force yourself to be strong and take the blows? Yeah, I've felt that way too much this week and it's only Wednesday.

Also, I've been worrying too much. I know I shouldn't worry and I do a lot to try and forget about my worries. Then when I try to go to sleep I suddenly get flooded with them and they rob me of my rest.

My biggest worry right now is where on earth are Patrick and I going to be next year? We're getting married in February.

Option one, he might join the Air Force.

Next option is we also might be moving to MS to live with his dad and stepmom while he and I finish college. He would go to a community college and I would hit up online classes while helping around the house and maybe holding a part time job. I'm a fan of this option right now.

If Patrick can get a job around here, though, that pays nicely we've had offers for housing by some of my Dad's connections.

Patrick's current job doesn't offer much of a future for either of us in the long run, but he's already got me on the vision plan they offer. I'm supposed to be getting an updated prescription in January and hopefully moving back into contacts. I should be able to handle them now since they've got the hypoallergenic ones. After February he should be able to add me to the dental and medical plan. Then we're going to get my wisdom teeth removed, finally. They are hurting me. Lucky me, they decided to wait until I turned 24 to come in.

I'm finding that I miss Patrick a lot more than I used to. We spent so much time with each other last year and the beginning of this year, practically living together only to be separated at the end of summer because I decided to pick up a job. I always have a longing ache to be in his arms. I feel like I'm missing something when he's not here. It's strange. We both have weekends off, though, which is really nice. And I'm very excited that I get to see him tonight.

The washing machine broke, so he has to come to my parent's house to wash clothes. He's also bringing the gift I need to give Mike for the Secret Santa at work tomorrow. He was darling enough to pick it up for me this morning while I was at work. I plan on thoroughly snuggling and kissing him when I see him.

Other than all of that, my only other worry is the wedding. Trying to put it together has been a slight pain. And it's in about eight and a half weeks. Having people hollering in my ear that I'm wasting my time getting married and that marriages always fail makes me want to stab something. I know that's not true. My parents have been married for 43 years. There is a girl at work about my age that has been with her husband for ten years. They've been married for five and have a beautiful daughter. Anti-marriage people can bite me. I have faith and hope in Patrick and I's deep love for each other.

Also, I don't know what the outcome for another certain situation with someone else is going to be, but just in case they read through here and see this entry I'm leaving them the following message:

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

Peace out guys~ <3

Damn it Ren. I blame you for the Placebo kick I'm on right now. I can't get Space Monkey out of my head.

So, work was going good until one of my co-workers decided that for some God only knows reason she hates my guts. I normally don't speak to her. She'll say something to me that I don't agree with or simply don't care about and I won't reply or make any motion to what she's said. I ignore her alot for the most part. I do take note, I just don't respond. I mean, we're all adults last I checked and we have a job to do. I see no sense in fussing over.. well... you know I'm not even sure at all what her beef is with me. I just know I can feel her animosity pouring out toward me like a boiled over kettle.

Patrick says he thinks she intimidated by me because though she's older the head people tend to leave me with more responsibility than her. >.> For instance, yesterday Lisa (head honcho) gave me the password to start up the ghost on her computer so she could help us stage.

Today things were a little crowded in the room. Apparently I got two computers that she had been waiting on and I think she was mad at me about that. But last I checked we were supposed to simply get as many computers finished as possible. I can't help it if she leaves the room and isn't there when the computer finishes ghosting, you know? Though, I will admit that I did get the last one and she was in the room.... I think. I'll be checking for her presence more often now, I'll say that much.

I think her hatred toward me is a bit unfounded, though. And I think she's trying to turn one of the other girls against me.

Speaking back to the room being crowded, she was trying to help Tammy get some boxes out to the mail room. I usually try to help with that, but I was watching a ghost that was almost finished. I think I gave it to either Mia or Vanessa... I can't remember, but I know I didn't take that one for myself. And she was most certainly not in the room when that computer finished. But she kept bumping into me. I even scooted closer to the computer to avoid getting hit but somehow this SIZE FOUR TINY WOMAN KEPT BUMPING ME! And it was her hitting me... not the large box she was holding.... I think she was mad because I was "in her way" today.

We were told that this wasn't a who's next in line thing on the first day. It was first come first serve. BUT to avoid future strife I'll make sure she has a computer just to keep her shut up. I just want us to reach our numbers. This isn't a competition, though I think she's trying to turn it into one.

Forgive me for being fast on the computer. *rolls eyes*

Apparently she also complained about me today. The only reason I know this is because she complained about me to Kyrstal right in front of my mother who was sitting in her car waiting to pick me up.

You know... I've never once complained at the office since I started working there even though I knew she didn't like me. I'm going to continue to not say anything to. If Krystal or Lisa wants to talk to me about this hatred my co-worker has toward me then we might talk a little... but I still think this is ridiculous.

Patrick thinks she's made because I treat her as an equal and not a superior. =/ But... she's not my superior.... she's the same level as me. So... I'm not going to treat her as a superior. You know? It's not like I treat her badly or anything. I always wish her well when she leaves just like I do everyone else. I always say hi to everyone including her. I offer smiles. I offer assistance when it's needed. Patrick says my superiors watch me and know how I act, so I have nothing to worry about.

I think I'm going to trust him on this one and just watch and see what happens.

Man, I'm tired. Second day of work down and I'm still feeling good about it. The hardest part about the job is making sure that someone has the ghost computer set up so that we can start ghosting. We like to ghost the computers while we're staging, but if they don't have the computer set up for one reason or another we can't ghost. And if we don't have computers ghosted then we can't stage them which holds us up. It takes about 15-20 minutes to ghost a computer and about 45 minutes to stage a computer. We are only at the company for 9 hours. Tomorrow we're required to complete 10 computers each. If we can keep the ghosting going smoothly it won't be a problem at all. But today we only got 10 computers done between the three of us because the people in charge of getting the computers set up so we can ghost were falling down on their job. We had to keep calling them and going to go look for them to remind them to set up a ghost. I'm crossing my fingers that things will go more smoothly tomorrow since we're crunching plus training the fourth girl tomorrow.

Oh, and Bean Street Cappuccinos taste awesome. LOL

I'm a little bummed that that lovely time of the month started for me this morning, though. Yay for cramps! *pops the pills* I usually handle it very well, though, so I'm not worried about it.

Tomorrow Malia and I are meeting with Patsy before work to go over some paperwork so I have to be up super early tomorrow. And Patrick is supposed to be coming to pick me up after work. I wonder what we're going to be doing for my birthday this weekend if anything. XD

So far for my birthday I've received a pretty picture, and my dad has finally put my CD player in my car. w00t! I can listen to music again. XD Aww, and dad was a sweetie and made a CD of him singing Happy Birthday to me. XD He had it playing in the car when he showed me he had it fixed. Well sort of fixed. My brakes aren't leaking any more and we found out what was going on with my oil. All that's wrong now is I need to take it to a shop to repair the wheel baring and we need to buy new tires.

I think I'm going to go work on some art now, eat dinner, and maybe play video games some before hitting the sack.

Peace Out. ^_^

Oh, I had a blast at work today. I swear this is the best job I've ever had. Basically I ghost and stage computers. Then I repack them, label them, and send them to the mail room. Our group has to cover 20 computers a day, which isn't a problem at all between the four of us. And while working on them we have tons of socializing time. XD Though, I tend to not talk much while I'm working because I get to concentrating so hard. And ghosting works itself for about 15 minutes. Merging during staging takes about 15 minutes as well. So that's 30 minutes that I have to figure out something else to do. We usually try to do multiple computers at once. I predict we'll probably get more than 20 computers done a day.

I actually find this job to be a lot of fun because it's all routine. I just do the same thing over and over again. I like jobs like that, though.

I work Mon-Fri from 8am to 5pm. I'm off on Saturday and Sunday. So yay that means I won't be working on my birthday this weekend. XD

Everyone that I work with is very friendly and kind. One of the girls is full blooded Hawaiian. She's an absolute darling. Her name is Malia and she has the most beautiful hazel/amber eyes I've ever seen in my life. She's just recently moved to the area so she was asking a lot of questions about where things were located and what not. I like listening to her talk. =D She ate lunch with me, which surprised me. XD I have a feeling she and I will be good buddies at the workplace.

But yeah, as you can see I'm very excited about my job and I'm looking forward to the rest of the week.

<3

I had a horrid nightmare last night and because of it I didn't sleep very well. I dreamed about zombies. =_=" I don't think I've ever dreamed about zombies before. In the dream I was hiding in this tiny rusted room with the door locked. I remember peaking through the key hole and watching the zombies idle about covered in blood. I was terrified. I think I was in a hospital. The zombies looked like elderly patients. I felt like I was in a Silent Hill or Resident Evil type setting. Actually Silent Hill came to mind before Resident Evil, despite the zombies. I also remember a detached leg laying in the middle of the floor in the room with the zombies.... *shudders*

I woke up at 2am in the morning. And I couldn't go to sleep after that. I had this dread that if I went to sleep the dream would continue. Ugh... Eventually my brother stirred around and my mind became distracted and lingered to other thoughts. I soon fell back to sleep.

Well, thought I'd make this quick post, but I'm off to work now. I hope you all have a pleasant day. =)