This Is My Fine Art

Alright, so I feel much better about the Lauren thing now. No, Ren, I'm not talking about you. LOL

Basically, I've been really confused about what exactly it really is that has been freaking me out about her other than the horror stories I heard about her. I also sat down and really tried to think about my last few encounters with her. I talked to Patrick since I talk to him about everything and this does involve him. While talking to him it was noted that when I met Lauren I was going through my lunatic time myself.

It was about five years ago when I was fresh out of high school and just before I started college at ECU. Patrick and I had not been dating very long. I had been diagnosed with clinical depression and the doctors were playing drug experiments on me. On top of that, two girls who were vehemently jealous and outraged that Patrick chose me over them were hounding me every chance they got. It seems like my family was camping out at the beach near where Patrick lived at the time. Patrick kept me with him all the time while we were down there. He had been taking me around to meet his friends and that's when I met Lauren.

Her parents were very well off. They lived in a huge house. They had a boat. Her father owned one of the piers at Atlantic Beach. I was instantly intimidated because I wasn't used to such things. Then I found out that she had a crush on Patrick which instantly set me on guard because of those two girls I was already dealing with.

During this time of Patrick's life he thought he could play hero to everyone. And when I say everyone, I mean everyone. He thought he could solve all of life's problems. He told me he was visiting with Lauren one night because she called him crying and wanted company. Lauren never really had any friends because she was diagnosed with bi-polarism and no one stuck around long enough to deal with her except for Patrick. So whenever she had a problem she would call him. Because of my state of mind at the time, it freaked me out. I was one super dear god paranoid woman. I had found the man of my dreams and I wasn't about to lose him.

Patrick explained to me that nothing was going on and she just needed someone to talk to. I had a hard time accepting it, but knowing Patrick's "I'm A Hero" nature, I did my best. Patrick then worked on getting rid of the two trouble girls. He gave them his two cents and we've honestly had no problems with either of them since. In fact, I think one of them got engaged to some other guy or something. Who knows? I don't really care that much.

I forgot about Lauren for a long time. Patrick and I had moved on to college and she had gotten involved with some guy and they ended up being engaged. Later I heard from Patrick that she used to date his best friend Steven. That was when they learned about her issues. I'm not even going to go into some of the things she did, but I'll just say they were crazy, and Ren if you're reading this I'll tell you it was on some of the levels of things you-know-who would do except less vindictive and more crazy. The thought of her being a threat to me completely faded from my mind, or so I thought.

Just this past year she's come back in the picture, but she's honestly not done a thing that would warrant my actions toward her. And believe me, she knows I'm apprehensive around her. Let's see... she contacted Patrick because I think she'd just moved to the area or something along those lines. I can't remember because it was so far back. She invited us over to her place to hang out and see her new kitten. I fell in love with the psycho kitty, but I was nervous around her. I don't think we stayed long.

Next incident, we were at her house again for drinks and a movie. We watched X-Men 2, I believe and I played with the cat while sitting with Patrick on the couch. I don't recall anyone talking much, except I think I talked to her a little bit, but we were more focused on the movie. Seems like we might have order food, too. I don't know.

Then, she needed someone to take care of her cat while she went to be with her parents or something. I can't remember where she went but it was very far off. She doesn't exactly have any friends besides Patrick, and I guess Little Steven (who isn't very reliable, but does have a crush on her), so Patrick volunteered to take care of the cat. I kind of helped with the cat some. I was with Patrick when she brought the cat over. She invited me to hang out with her and watch some flag girls perform with a band. I weaseled my way out of it with Patrick's assistance because he knew she made me feel awkward.

Note that there is quite a bit of time between each of these incidents. Next incident, I called Patrick to tell him I was pulling into his apartment. I had followed him home, but he got a little ahead of me because I think I had to stop for something. I can't remember. When I told him I loved him, he simply said "Okay" and hung up the phone. I was a bit agitated and went livid when I saw him walking out of the apartment with her. She had left her cat's toy on accident when she had picked her up the week before or something. She complimented me on my dress when she saw me and told me I looked great. I very maliciously said "thank you" in a sharp tone while glaring at Patrick. Of course, he was confused and she looked hurt and uncomfortable. When I explained the phone thing to Patrick in the apartment, he said he hadn't heard me say I love you, but he understood why I was upset. He said he would have been too. I later realize that the time between me coming to the apartment after him was so short that my fears had been retarded. She had practically just gotten there, got the toy, and was leaving as I got there.

Lastly, Lauren plays Final Fantasy XI and always talks to Patrick online because of this. It, of course, bothered me.

Tonight, Patrick and I talked about her. Patrick has been nothing but wonderful to me. We've been together through tons of situations for almost five and a half years. There once was a time when he had to drive close to three hours just to see me, and he would do it as often as he could. Now there is about 30 to 40 minutes between us, and I spend half of my time with him. My parents say we act like we're already married. Patrick always tells me I'm beautiful. He always tells me he loves me. He goes out of his way to do things for me. He has spent a ridiculous amount of money on me that he could have put toward better things. We promised each other that when we could afford to that we would get married. Our communication and love for each other is really good as well.

Why on earth am I paranoid now? Have I lost my mind? And it's only her! That's what was so odd about it.

I asked Patrick what she thought about me. He told me that she wishes she and I were friends. That she wants to hang out with me and get to know me. He said that she doesn't want to get between me and him and that she's happy that he and I are together. She just wants friends. She's gotten over many of the issues that she had before, but she still doesn't have many people in her life. Of course, Little Steven still had a crush on her last I checked, but he's pretty nutty himself. >.>

So now, what do you think? Should I give her more of a chance than I have? Do you think it would help to resolve the paranoia? I'd like to know your thoughts.

Thank you
Destinie