This Is My Fine Art

Good news, Patrick isn't in jail. We got it all worked out. *wipes sweat*

I got frightened badly yesterday, though. I think I almost had a severe panic attack because I let myself get too worried and stressed. I love Patrick and if anything bad happened to him I don't know what would happen. I wish I didn't have my mother's health problems. So, we went to a wine, coffee, and chocolate shop in Raleigh yesterday. We had already finished the court stuff and we were relaxing and laughing. I ordered a cafe white chocolate mocha, and while I was waiting I had a sharp breath taking stabbing pain shoot through my upper left chest and shoulder all the way through to my shoulder blade. I went from smiling and laughing to holy crap what just happened this hurts like hell. I felt tears swell up in my eyes and I forced myself to sit down in a nearby chair. I think I scared Patrick because I got really quiet. After a few seconds the pain went away but I ached all over. I told him what happened and all I could think of was that the stress I had suffered earlier had finally caught up with me and my body was having a delayed reaction. If that would have progressed I would have been begging to go to the hospital. Strange, I've never had a pain quite like it before, though. It was something new. If it happens again, I'll probably get it checked out, but just keep me in your prayers.

Patrick and I also had a really serious heart to heart last night about our future. I don't want to go into details, though. I've made my decision and I told him exactly where I stand and what will happen. I told him that the only way he'll be able to solve his problems is if he quits repeating the same steps and mistakes over and over again. He needs to break out of it because he's beating a dead horse and knows that method doesn't work. I offered him a new method and well... I now I have to wait. The decisions and things we're going through are important to our future.

It hurts me.. but Patrick comes from a broken home, and I have always had my family together despite the hardships. Both of us were raised well and never really had wants for much because we were provided for. Our parents love us both and spend time with us. But that one minor difference of one having both parents under one roof and the other not... has actually caused some problems in certain situations.... there is fear.... there is stress... there is uncertainty....

But life is full of uncertainties and we have to just jump in sometimes and hope for the best.... and I'm a firm believer that two people working together can survive better than one person by them-self.

Hmmm...

I'm going to hound some banks for a job today. Wish me luck.

--Destinie